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Getting Pretty
Liberated... "How to GPL your way off the Upgrade Train" By The F@t Guy |
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Navigate:  Coming soon
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All right, I might be dating myself
with this next remark (which is Ok, cuz I can't get a
date with anyone else anyway), but here it goes: Back in the old days, just after the dinosaurs died, there was this band named The Kingston Trio. I don't really think they were from Kingston, which is in Jamaica, but there were three of them. They were a really good band for their time, but that isn't the point. The point is actually one of their songs, known as "The MTA" or "Charlie and the MTA". Or maybe "I fight the Transit Authority, the Transit Authority Always Wins". Whatever it was called, the song is a rail against the Boston Metropolitan Transit Authority and is wrapped around the MTA raising fares all the time. Poor Charlie pays his last nickel in fare and gets on the train to go to work, but when he reaches his destination he finds he has to pay a nickel to get off too- Well, Charlie is stone-broke, so they won't let him off the train. He's bound to ride the MTA forever, with his wife chucking a sandwich at him through an open window "as the train comes a-rumblin' through". One might ponder why Charlie's wife never figgered out to chuck him a nickel instead of a sandwich, or why Charlie couldn't talk somebody into loaning him the money, or where Charlie might be going to the bathroom throughout this perilous time, but that isn't the point either. The point is that just like poor Charlie, you just never seem to get done paying do ya? It just never seems to stop getting bigger, and "better", and "more and more"... Once on the train, how do you get off? The computer isn't big enough for the software, or the software isn't big enough for whatever it is that software does anymore. Whatever it is that it does, you NEEEEED it. But then your computer isn't big enough again, which of course, naturally means you need more software. Just as you get nicely settled in, it's off to the races again with your wallet emptying out like a drunk office jockey's bladder on "free beer night" at the bowling alley. Not that there really ever is a "free beer night" at the bowling alley. That was just a figure of speech. I don't like it. I want to stop now. I want to get off. But you can't, can you. You don't have a nickel. "But no, sir," He says to me, "In order for your boisenberry to interface the stoppelbarren you must upgrade to at least Vista SP-18 wha.453.76890 and Office 26 SP-82 wnm.4567342.00. Then if the DRM doesn't decide to hose you, you can actuate several layers of floom to hook the boisenberry." "Oh, is that all," says me, "I thought it would be more complicated. And what about the boisenberry? I thought they were over now- sued out of existence (What would I DO if I couldn't use my boisenberry?)..." "Naw, they'll be back. We NEEEEED them. Anyway," says He, "We can fix you up... but that 2yr old box of yours is just too small. Let's see, the new box with the 43.8 gig cpu and a solid quartz hdd, a new monitor, cuz yours won't work with the new 8.8g semi-neutronic vid card; and of course Vista SP-18, Office 26, and four, maybe five floom vials... should be able to hook you up for around $2500 bucks. But that doesn't include the new copy of SlowBooks 2026, cuz your current one won't run on this new operating system" Sheesh. stop and do the math. You know, that's approximately 500 double-mochas. That's 250 decent diner lunches (Then I wonder why I eat at Mickey D's all the time). That's 208 garden variety music CD's (DRM root-kit included- Oh, BTW, it needs WiMP 22.5 or it won't play). That'd pay my 3.0g DSL for 5.2083 years. I said YEARS. Thats 17.3610 YEARS of garbage disposal service. I could have my garbage hauled away until I freakin' retire. Nearly for the rest of my useable life. I know, because I called them. In fact, if I were to pay them that much in advance, they'd throw in an extra .3610 years for free. That's it. NO MORE. I am getting off this train even if I have to close my eyes, jump off, and hope some rotting hulk of an abandoned 69 Freightliner is in the way to break my fall. I have HAD it. If you are anything like me, this section is for you... Herein I will describe the various ways I have simplified my computer life. Articles are in the sidebar as always. |
