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Anti-virus
and Computer Security
by The F@t Guy |
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~The DOH! Moment~ - Overcoming your Bart Simpson Side |
The "DOH!" Moment When I was twenty-five or so, and trying to recover from a fun but mis-spent yoot, Something happened to me that really had an impact on my thinking (this is a "life-experience" for those of you in Rio Linda): About three o'clock one morning I was awakened by a persistent knocking on the door of my hovel. When I arose to see what the clamor was all about, there before me, on the porch, was one of my erst-while drinking buddies- A fellow I had not seen for better than three years. He was deep in his beers, and mumbled somewhat of a greeting, and asked if he could use the bathroom. As I said, it was 3 AM, so I was not my quick-witted self. If I'd had my wits about me, I would have simply offered that he relieve himself on the road, and make a call to the sheriff to have him arrested for indecent exposure. That would have served him right, and would have been funny besides... and I would have wandered back to bed with a smile on my sleepy face and a hooting cackle in my heart. But sleepy as I was, and relieved that it was no real alarm, I let him in. AAAUUUUGH! I spent the next six hours talking to the guy, I barely got him to leave, and was late for work... And my lovely bride (pregnant at the time w/ our first) was entirely bereft of any consideration or understanding regarding the event (she was a bit irked). To make matters worse, he came back. Again, and again, and again... In fact, he decided that he would just hang out at my place when ever he could- showing up drunk just about dinner time, eating my food, and staying until I became insistent that he leave and let me go to bed. After a week of teetering hospitality, and his total inability to "take a hint", I was forced to end our reationship with some unkind words and a dot on his eye. Ah, there but for the grace of God... My friend, you see, is like a computer virus or adware. I picked "it" up long ago, as an apparently harmless part of a bigger "package", and what's more, when the virus awakened after a long hibernation, I was an idiot for that split-second at 3AM and hit the "OK" button, letting him loose into my tidy, yet humble abode. That is called a "DOH!" moment, and they'll get you every time. You know the feeling though, don't you? that sudden rush of destiny... the little guy on your shoulder screaming in horror, to no avail... That lack of control, like you can't stop yourself, even though you know it isn't a good idea... Then it happens, your thumb clicks down on the mouse, and suddenly that little guy on your shoulder has a "See, I told you so" smirk (dontcha want to slap him silly sometimes?), and your computer screen is filled with hundreds and hundreds of helpful ads, propigating at a furious rate...  I really don't know how to stop you, any better than you know how yourself, but I can tell you a helpful thing or two: -First and formost, when you first feel that sudden rush of destiny, listen to that little guy on your shoulder. No, really- I mean it. You can always come back to it and be stupid later on. In the mean time, you might have an epiphany- or you might just get bored and wander off... Thank God for that. Go and be stupid somewhere else. - If you've read the Tourist, remember the part about "tourist traps"- if it is bouncy, flashy, or blinky, just leave. Resist the urge. Don't go there. It really is that simple. You don't need that cute little internet pet, utility, game, or whatever. Rely on knowledgable friends who have had good luck with a free utility or software. If you really can't resist, type the software name into a search engine and see if you get alot of returns from Anti-virus or Anti-spyware sites. If you do, that is what we in the business call "a clue". -If you see something telling you that your computer is infected, or needs to be cleaned, or may have registry problems, or needs an update that doesn't specifically come from one of your own onboard utilities (your AV, AS, AT, or Windows system messages), ABSOLUTELY IGNORE IT. If you really have a questionable situation, call me (or your own tech/guru) first... BEFORE making the "click here" move. If you are using the utilities I (or your own tech) have recommended, it is unlikely that an unknown one would do you better, and many are legitimate looking "fronts" for the very thing they are purporting to protect you from. You must be very careful- these types of ads are designed to make you think they are important. -ALWAYS close pop-ups using the [x] in the Windows title bar. Anything else is just a link within the displayed page. Just because it says "close" doesn't mean that is what it really does. Be careful of pictures on pages that LOOK like a pop-up in a window (A picture will move with the page behind it when you scroll down). In this case, even clicking the [x] in the picture will not close it and the entire picture can be a link to something nefarious. If you are confused, just close your browser and start over. -NEVER, NEVER, NEVER allow installation from the web unless you know precisely what you are getting... If you are worried, DON'T. -NEVER, NEVER, NEVER open an e-mail attachement directly. ALWAYS save it to disk and run your AV on the file to be certain it is clean. It's a very simple thing to do. -NEVER, NEVER, NEVER reply to an email asking for personal information of any kind- This isn't ever done by reputable organizations, and is certainly an attempt to fleece you. If there is any question at all, call the organization on the phone, using a number that was *NOT* procured from the suspicious email itself. -AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: The guy from Nigeria (which ever one it is) is gonna rip you off. ::TFG |
